Writer’s Block

Posted on December 5, 2011

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My foray into the world of blogging has hit a brick wall. Like everything I have ever attempted, I started with lofty ideas carefully crafted over many hours of tortuous editing and ended up with writers block trying to goad strangers on the internet into getting angry.

They say to start with what you know, and I completely agree. But to be honest, unless you happen to be somebody very important, I would at the very least embellish it. So much of our time these days is spent listening to the mundane and the sleep-defyingly boring that I can safely say I have had enough of people’s daily routines. As if watching a pensioner opening boxes at random is not entertainment enough, we also have to watch as they spread a load of gravy-stained photographs out and talk us through how Jeff used to be fine before he tried to carry a wheelbarrow-load of screws up the loft ladder. I want to hear from Jeff. The story would lose some of it’s touching sentimentality if it was being told by a man in his early fifties who narrowly avoided winning a Darwin award because the distance between his brain and his skull was significantly longer than the puncture wound caused by a 1 ½ “ screw.

Maybe that’s too harsh, but some of the most common advice I receive is to “be honest” and just “say whatever I think.” While I appreciate that completely failing to filter what we say is becoming a badge of honour, I would like to hold on to some of those nuggets. Down that path lies the phrase “I’m not racist but…” and “call this global warming…I’m wearing a coat.”

So, failing the commitment to craft a beautiful image through painstaking labour or the audacity to smear rubbish on canvas and call it great art, I resort to provoking strangers. I would thoroughly recommend it. Although it has produced no tangible resorts as far as my blog is concerned, there is nothing like the sense of achievement you get from spending your free time asking leading questions of a man selling porn DVD’s for £3.

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